What is bothering you?
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Growth
We all have the potential to becoming our best selves.
Education
But we must become educated about life and it's challenges.
Release
This will give us the mental fortitude to release the burdens
Change
So that we can achieve mental and emotional wellness.
Let's Reconstruct our Mindset
Self Conscious
The primary definition of the word self conscious as put forth by the Cambridge online dictionary is “nervous or uncomfortable because you are worried about what people think about you or your actions” (accessed 2020, June)
Let’s dissect with critical thinking here.
Now if we examine the words used to define self conscious, we can see that all of them are clearly negative. However, if we examine each word separately we will arrive at a different understanding of the concept. Now, the word conscious means having knowledge of something and the definition of self is you- an individual- you- the subject. So then, when the words and their respective definitions are combined, it stands to reason that the term self conscious really means – having knowledge of you.
How then can being knowledgeable of one’s self fall into the illusion of insecurity, discomfort and worrying about the thoughts of others? That is a vast contradiction because the more knowledgeable we are of ourselves, then the more secure we become.
We have always cautioned against being self conscious and that, I think, is an intellectual error. Before we are able to focus on others, we must reach the highest level of consciousness which is to know one’s self. In knowing our selves, we should never allude to insecurity or discomfort or believe we can be overly preoccupied with self. The danger of this written definition and the teaching of it, is that we spend more time focusing on others and less time with ourselves because a lot of time with self is deemed wrong or inappropriate or rather conceited.
This then transforms us into someone who is more “people conscious”, because our focus is now placed on others.
Tribe, BE self conscious. You are an infinite being who is multifaceted. Spend all the time occupied with self because knowledge of self is the foundation of proper personal and interpersonal functioning.
Pride
Pride is defined by dictionary.com as “a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.”
This definition highlights pride as a positive feeling that will then be transmitted into the positive action of being proud. Now lets dissect…
If pride is rooted in deep pleasure or satisfaction from one’s own achievement and the achievement of others…Why is there a limit to how much pleasure you should take in yourself? You see, we are taught that “pride goeth before a fall” and that “we should never toot our own horns” or better yet “self praise anuh praise”. These are clear advocates of waiting on the affirmations and admiration of others in your own work rather than giving it to yourself. What is wrong with a person acknowledging their great accomplishment- without limit-? What? it will inflate the ego? or will it elevate self esteem?
Looking to others for praises silence our own inner voice that is created to encourage us regardless of who else does it. Praises or acknowledgement of our own work should not be left in the hands of others; that is the recipe for low self esteem- conditional positive regard- according to Carl Rogers.
Understand this, people have no idea of our work and our journey and that is okay because after all it is our journey. Depending on people to tell us that the accomplishment we gained is a damn good one is a setup for hurt. They are not obligated to us and we must never give them that much power.
Whenever it is you have done a great job; don’t be silenced by the false notion that if yuh big up yourself too much you are too hype, boasy or full of ****. That lie needs to be demolished.
Tribe BE proud! Always pump up yourself. Don’t give people more praises and ratings for their work than you give to yourself. You deserve it. Pride is not bad! It’s all good.
Humility
Humility is defined by an online dictionary as the quality of having a modest or low view of one’s importance.
According to wikipedia.com “dictionary definitions accentuate humility as a low self-regard and sense of unworthiness” (accessed 2020 July).
Now let’s dissect…
The foundation of our self esteem is hinged on the notion that humility takes us a far way and so no matter how successful we get, we should always seek to remain humble. While there is a sense of “I get what that might mean”, we have to admit that in black and white based on the right and true definition of humble and humility…. that is the last thing a progressive person would want to be. Why would I choose to disregard pride (see above post) and pick up, take on, define myself as having a low view of my importance. Will that not cripple me? my purpose and my trajectory to greatness? The intention of the word will not help the situation, because what you call yourself is what you will become.
Tribe, BE PROUD NOT HUMBLE. You are destined for greatness and you are on the path to that. Remove the idea that if you congratulate yourself you are stunting your progress and being hype. Remove the notion that if you speak highly of yourself you are exalting yourself (a bad thing) God will cut you down.
Exalt means to raise in rank or to think or speak very highly of someone or something, including yourself.
So! Exalt yourself.
What's Bothering You?
How does it become a bother?
When something happens, either to us or around us, it causes a disturbance within our self. This disturbance affects how we feel (mood), how we think (thoughts) and how we act (behaviour). It is up to us to recognize when the disturbance in any of these faculties have occurred and quickly address it by talking about it. If we fail to do so, then the disturbance begins to impair our social and/or occupational functioning, also regarded as our every day life. This is when it becomes a bother.
Now let us go through SEVEN of the most common issues that bother us…
Adjusting to COVID 19
CO VID 19 is a pandemic that has shook the world to it’s core. It has forced people to do the thing they possibly dislike the most- change. With COVID 19 fear swept in like a flood and many of us began scampering to, not only understand what is happening, but to seeking answers as to how to deal with it. Adjustment and change was obvious but difficult.
COVID 19 brings with it feelings of:
- despair
- frustration
- hopelessness
- anxiety
- worry
- fear
- anger
- grief
- denial
- confusion
- overwhelm
How to cope with COVID 19
In order to deal with COVID 19, we must understand that change has happened and like any other incidents of change, in order to survive it/ cope with it/ deal with it, we must ADJUST:
A– Accept that the time has changed
D– Decide to alter our mindset
J– Join forces with others who are on our frequency- the same level of thinking we are on-
U– Utilize our superpower (our strengths)
S– Stay Positive
T– Take care of ourselves ( through exercise, eating healthy, investing in rest and setting boundaries)
Anger
Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. (American Psychological Association)
Anger can be caused by many things that are commonly called triggers. These include stress, relationship problems, your job, financial issues or perceived provocation or disrespect from others. Our natural reaction when faced with these triggers is to lash out aggressively. An aggressive reaction may give rise to fighting, cursing, using expletives, destruction of property and even death. This is the destructive side to anger.
Although anger is a natural emotion and everybody gets angry at some point, it is ill advised to express it in an aggressive way as this not only harms ‘the innocents’ but it does not resolve the issue.
How to deal with anger properly
- Understand what your triggers are- this allows for a counterstrike approach- You will know when you are about to get angry, based on the situation you are in, and so are in a better position to employ anger managements skills.
- Think before you speak. Do not react to what is said. There is a difference between reacting and responding. When you react you use emotions; when you respond you use logic.
- Learn to take nothing personally because he who angers you- controls you.
- Walk away- This is not a sign of weakness, rather it is an act of control. If you walk away, you take your power with you and it is you who would have deescalated the situation.
- Count to 100 and if you get there and you are still upset, count to 200.
Bullying
Bully– “A bully is someone who often hurts or frightens other people” (Collins Dictionary)
Bullying is the act of hurting, frightening, forcing and intimidating another person. It may be through words (verbal), through actions (physical) and isolation (social). There is also bullying online (cyber)
BULLYING IS… (among other things)
- calling people names that are hurtful (broad foot, batta ears, big nose)
- insulting others and talking down to them
- threatening others about their features (looks, preferences, attributes)
- kicking
- hitting
- fighting
- purposefully pushing and tripping others
- taking their things without permission
- excluding them from activities -just because..
HOW TO DEAL WITH BULLIES
- Build up your inner strength by constantly telling yourself that “Nobody is allowed to make me feel nuh way”
- Do not listen to them. Try to avoid giving them your time and attention.
- Stand up to them. Bullies feed off of your emotions.
- Talk up about it. Tell people. Bring attention to their actions.
Depression
“Depression is a mood disorder that affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. It causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. ” (American Psychiatric Association)
HAVING AT LEAST FIVE OF THESE SYMPTOMS FOR A GOOD TWO WEEKS MAY MEAN DEPRESSION…
- Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.
- Loss of interest or pleasure almost all activities nearly every day
- Significant weight loss or weight gain due to eating too much or eating too little.
- Feeling like your body and your thoughts are slowing down
- Little or no energy on a daily basis. Always tired.
- Feeling hopeless, worthless or excessively guilty
- Cyaan manage to think, concentrate, or make up your mind on a daily basis.
- Repeatedly thinking about ending your life, death, ideas of killing yourself or you have made an attempt or a plan to kill yourself.
HOW TO DEAL WITH DEPRESSION
TALK TO SOMEONE. ANYONE. PROFESSIONAL OR NOT. THEY WILL HELP YOU OR GET HELP FOR YOU. HELP IS ALWAYS ON THE WAY. YOU ARE NOT ALONE EVEN IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
I AM HERE FOR YOU. CONTACT ME. I AM YOUR THERAPIST.
De-motivation
To be demotivated means “less eager to work or study” Oxford Dictionary
DE-MOTIVATION IS A FEELING OF…
- despair
- low energy
- cyaan bother
- dis seem impossible
HOW TO DEAL WITH DE-MOTIVATION
Believe in yourself more than you expect others to believe in you. Then do the following:
- Remind yourself of your WHY. This reminder stands to refocus your energy and spark a renewed fire. Remember why you started is re energizing.
- Destroy your fears. Fears tend to cripple us. It keeps us grounded and informs us that where we are is a “safe zone” and venturing out of it may prove to be either futile or dangerous. Which ever it is, it would suit us to remain safe. The destruction of fear is done by taking risks and risk-taking is done by the drive of curiosity.
- Create a support group of cheerleaders. These are people who have understood your vision and are determined to help you achieve it. We all need cheerleaders, especially in times, when we become too winded to cheer for ourselves.
Grief
Grief is a natural response to loss.
Contrary to popular belief, grief is not just associated to death. We can greive the loss of anything; from intangible objects that we consider important such as a house, car or even our cell phone to people. Grief can be triggered by death or just separation (maybe moving to a new neighborhood or getting settled in a new job). Whatever it is, once an attachment is broken, it is accompanied by a pain. We all have the resilience to bounce back from that feeling of hopelessness and “ah weh mi aguh do now”. But in order to get tho this place, we naturally go through 8 stages of grief. These stages were developed by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and it gives us great insight into what grief is as well as how to cope with it.
The stages of grief are (DABDA):
- Denial– This is when your refuse to believe that the loss has happened. “Fadda God nuh say suh” “This can’t be happening…..no! no! no! It is not happening.” “Stop lie!” “Mi refuse fi believe dat!” “Yuh sure”
- Anger – This is when you are mad, vex upset. This may be directed towards yourself, the person, a by stander, anybody associated with the process and even God. “Yo! Low mi” “Mi nuh waan talk” “%$#@” “How dis happen?” “how yuh coulda do dat”
- Bargaining. This is a negotiation process… most times with the person or God. “If yuh do this den mi aguh change” “If dis change mi a guh a church Sunday” “Mi promise fi stop lie and thief…just nuh mek it be dat” “God please”
- Depression. This is a feeling of deep sadness. “Oh gosh wha me aguh do?” “Mi cyaan manage” “Mi just want to stay by miself” “Gimmie a likkle time” “I don’t want to go anywhere” “Mi nuh waan see nuh body”
- Acceptance. This is when realization sets in. “It is what it is” “Suh it go” “Mi can’t change it”
HOW TO COPE WITH GRIEF
Begin by understanding that bad things happen in life and the grief process is natural. Do not try to suppress it because you “must be strong”. That is dangerous and may cause the process to go on for longer. Not everyone will go through all the process and those who do may not necessarily go through the stages in the listed order.
Going through grief? Remember this:
- It won’t feel like this for eternity. Time will heal wounds.
- You are strong enough to deal with it, even when you feel like you are not.
- Always include support system. Shutting out others makes it worse.
- Talking about it often does not burden true friends. You are not a bother.
- Grief is a cycle. Some days will be better than others.
- Take time with yourself and trust yourself to heal.
- If you stop grieving, it does not mean that you are forgetting the loss.
- Life goes on. What would the person say to you, if they could say something to you?
Stress
“Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.”- Oxford Dictionary
STRESS IS A…..
- Silent Killer
- Tension Builder
- Reality Racer
- Emotional Wrecker
- Sleep Disturber
- Self Destroyer
HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESS
Love yourself more than anything else including your job. You then continue by:
- Prioritizing you priorities
- Tracking your stressors
- Establishing boundaries
- Acting rather than reacting
- Taking time to recharge
Are you feeling....
Exhausted
Overwhelmed
Stressed
Pressured
Burdened
Cyaan bother-ish
Blah
Overworked
Unappreciated
Sadness
Panic
Betrayed
Abused
Unheard
Lost
Hopeless
Helpless
Strained
Then it is time to take care of your mental health
Tips for mental wellness
Talk about your feelings.
Speak your mind and your truth.
Be yourself.
Take a well needed break.
Set boundaries and learn how to say no without feeling bad.
Eat well. Eat nutrients that nourish and replenish your body.
Exercise.
Get rest and sleep well (8 hours).
Spend time with your family.
Do not take your work home.
Do things you enjoy.
Play.
Fall in love.
Go to the beach.
Spend time in nature.
Stay away from social media. Take a break.
Worry about nothing.
Express gratitude.
Begin your day with a positive vibes.
Listen to music.
Use your vacation leave at work.
Do nothing.
Forgive others.
Recognize failures as lesson.
Be gentle with yourself. Life is not a sprint.
Accept and love yourself.
